40 Days 40 Gifts Day 18 - 20

I’m still doing the giving little things thing at the moment. And funnily enough I’m finding spiritual revelation even in those little things, mainly because I’m reflecting on my lack of willingness to step up to the plate on the bigger gifts.

This was all revealed to me in a rather tense week of reflection and worry. Last week I heard that I have received a scholarship that will allow me to give up work and study full time for the next 2 years towards my PhD. This was wonderful news of course and I did celebrate it with family. But this week reality hit as I received the contract which stipulated exactly how many hours I could work (12 a week) and at what rate (significantly less than what I am earning now). So basically I was faced with the reality of having to take a serious cut in my standard of living – something anyone else in my boat would have seen as a willing sacrifice to make for the chance at studying full time again. Not me, I have spent the past three days stressing about how I am going to meet my monthly expenses and obligations, and (yes I hate to admit it) how I am going to tell my friends that I can’t come out for that cocktail and I may not be able to join you on that dive trip this year.

So here I was faced with the real dilemma – will God provide for me? Like he does for the sparrows and the flowers (Matthew 6)? And I hate to admit that I found myself seriously lacking in the department of faith on this one. If I couldn’t do something to make sure I was earning enough money to cover my expenses how on earth was God going to provide for me?

But it seems his blessings really do abound. Without my expecting it, things have fallen into place. Somehow my discussions with the scholarship office and my boss (I had to resign from my job) went really well and as it turns out I will not be in the horrible financial position I thought I was going to be. I will have less money coming into my account than previously but it won’t be significantly less.

So there are a couple of lessons here (since we are covering a couple of days):
Lesson 18: When we are faced with the real prospect of financial woes we realise that we are not in control of everything. God has bigger plans.

Lesson 19: I can’t help reflecting on the fact that I was worried about a slight loss in earnings when so many people have absolutely nothing – which just goes to show how when we are tied to money, we don’t necessarily allow our best to shine through – no wonder Jesus equated the love of money with Mammon.

Lesson 20: God blesses, even when we don’t have faith. He blesses undeservedly. Which is what grace is I guess